The insincere smile on her face couldn’t conceal the hurt in her eyes. She sat across from my in my office, recounting the details of her recent discovery. Her husband of over 30 years had been living a lie, building a family in another town, and had concealed his adultery for over three years. What was she to do? And how could she have any hope in that moment?
Most Pastors have been there. They’ve had that conversation. They’ve empathized with the pain. They’ve cried with the broken. But what do we say? How do we shepherd them through such horrific trials?
One bit of wisdom I have learned is to be very explicit about where we should place our hope. It’s not enough for us to say things like, “the gospel gives us hope.” While certainly true, Pastors need to love their sheep by giving them the food they need; and hurting sheep need simple, clear truth. Be explicit. Be clear. Tell them exactly where to place their hope.
In short, the locus of our hope must be in Jesus Christ. The foundation of our hope must be fixed on an unchangingly good God, who is working all things together for our good. This is what Paul does in 2 Corinthians 1. Even though his suffering is great, he’s been burdened beyond his own strength, and despaired of life itself, he has learned to place his hope on the God who raises the dead (1:9): “On him we have set our hope...” (1:10).
Not on the circumstances. Not on his own strength. Not on the apparent success or failure of his plans. On God and God alone.
The necessity for such clarity is seen in all the ways that we will be tempted to place secondary, or subordinate, hopes in place of the only sure foundation: Jesus.
The woman who has been betrayed by her husband will be tempted to place her hope in the restoration of her marriage. But we can’t let her do that. She must be encouraged to place her hope in God and God alone. Regardless of whether the marriage survives, God is still good and faithful. Of course we do (in a subordinate way) hope the marriage survives, but even that hope is downstream of the anchor of our hope: God and His promises.
We will be tempted to diffuse the weight of suffering by offering alternative hopes: “I’m sure it will all work out. He seems repentant. I’m sure we will be able to salvage the marriage.” But in trying to alleviate immediate suffering, we can offer surrogate hopes based on potentially unattainable goals and hopes over which we have no control. When we tether hope to the buoy of human performance (anyone’s!), we tether our hope to something that will eventually let us down.
Their deepest need is Christ, that’s why their hope needs to be anchored on Him and not on anything else. Their wounded soul needs to hear the sweetness of His promises: “God has not forgotten about you. God is good, and he loves you. God is working through this to bring about some good that would never have been possible otherwise. He is the Great Physician, not a haphazard one, and he only prescribes us the medicine needful for our souls.” These are the kinds of encouragements someone needs in the mist of trial.
It is in orienting our hurting sheep back to the great shepherd, replanting their hope in Christ and his promises, that we best shepherd our sheep. He must be the locus of their hope, not us, or our counsel, or the successful reconciliation of their marriage.
Yes, we pray for a salvaged marriage, but God is good even if the marriage can’t be saved. We don’t put our hope in something as fragile as a human relationship. Nor do we base our hope in the repentance of our spouse. Nor do we ground our standing in the counseling regimen, or even necessarily in how we feel about our spouse in the moment, for even feelings are fleeting and fickle.
As one contemporary hymn reminds us, Christ must be the anchor of our Hope:
“Christ the sure and steady anchor in the fury of the storm
When the winds of doubt blow through me and my sails have all been torn
In the suffering, in the sorrow when my sinking hopes are few
I will hold fast to the anchor it shall never be removed”[1]
Christ is fixed and immovable, and his promises are sure and unbreakable. He alone is a fitting foundation of our hope. Everything else in this life is fleeting and fluctuating, and if our hope is built on anything other than God, so too will our hope be.
Notes:
[1] “Christ the Sure and Steady Anchor,” written by Matt Papa and Matt Boswell, https://www.mattpapa.com/hymns/christ-the-sure-and-steady-anchor (accessed 10/6/2022).
Jon English Lee is Pastor of Discipleship at Morningview Baptist Church in Montgomery, AL. He has earned a Bachelor’s degree from Auburn University in Montgomery, a Masters of Divinity from Southern Seminary, and a PhD in Systematic and Historical theology at Southern Seminary. Prior to serving at Morningview, he served various churches and para-church organizations in Alabama and Kentucky. He is a member of the St. Augustine Fellowship of the CPT.
